Fanatical atheist

In the throes of hardcore Christianity in my early 20s (see my previous post), I finally decided to read the Bible.  I figured If I was going to dedicate my life (and afterlife) to its teachings, I should probably actually read it. So I reverently opened my NIV study Bible and began reading Genesis 1:1.

And after I finished reading the last words of Revelation 22:21, I knelt down and prayed.  For many things in the bible didn’t make sense to me.  And many more things profoundly disturbed me.*  So I asked God to help me understand his word.

Then I proceeded to read the bible again.**

And this time when I was done, I didn’t kneel down and pray.  For instead of feeling like I read a book inspired by a perfect loving god, I knew I just read a work patched together by primitive ignorant humans.  Though I still loved god with my heart, I no longer loved him with my mind.

My Christian friends tried explaining to me that that was why my belief in god was referred to as a “Faith”, for it transcended reason.  But that argument further confused me: why would god create me with a brain, only to expect me to disregard it?

From a fanatical Christian, I became a fanatical atheist.

The next ten years of my life were my most turbulent.  No longer knowing my place in Creation and what was expected of me, I was an unanchored unbattened boat tossed in the stormy ocean of life.  I was angry that I wasted my entire life to blind faith.***

However, I owe the existence of The Alpha And The Omega to my fanatical Christianity and fanatical atheism.  I couldn’t have come up with the its plot if it wasn’t for my Christianity.  And I wouldn’t have wrote it as a secular (i.e. over-the-top horror) novel if it wasn’t for my atheism.

To be continued…

* What exact biblical concerns I had are outside the scope of this particular post.  But I’m willing to divulge them if enough blog commenters ask.

** Including all the excruciating “…X the father of Y, Y the father of Z…”s in Genesis and Mathew.

*** This doesn’t mean I believe all people of faith are living a lie.  Events in my life have led me to my current (ir)religious state.  Not having experienced another’s life, I have no right to pass judgment on his/her spiritual journey.

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>





A sample text widget

Etiam pulvinar consectetur dolor sed malesuada. Ut convallis euismod dolor nec pretium. Nunc ut tristique massa.

Nam sodales mi vitae dolor ullamcorper et vulputate enim accumsan. Morbi orci magna, tincidunt vitae molestie nec, molestie at mi. Nulla nulla lorem, suscipit in posuere in, interdum non magna.